It was like the children were there for me, instead of me being there for them

In the latest in our series of accounts by former volunteers who have worked in orphanages, Carmen Paping describes her experience in Nepal. 

Full of good intentions, but without any relevant education or experience, I went to Nepal at the age of 18, just after completing high school, to spend six months volunteering with children in an orphanage.

The children were mostly under the age of ten, with a few older children up to the age of 17. Nearly all the children, who came from different castes, had at least one parent or a close family relation. I was informed that the children had been abandoned, or had ended up in the orphanage due to poverty. Some of the children were with their siblings. Others had been separated from their siblings, who were in another orphanage.

We had a lot of fun together in those months. Nevertheless, I never really felt like I was ‘changing the world’, as people back home in the Netherlands said I was doing.  The children would often come up to have a chat or get a hug, but most of the time they were doing their own thing. It seemed more like the children were there for me, instead of me being there for them. At one point there with six volunteers for a group of only twelve children. This made me feel unnecessary. In total, I counted nearly twenty volunteers for this one orphanage in the six months I was there.

I noticed that the children got used to having so many volunteers and the fact that the volunteers constantly came and went. One of the things that frustrated me was the way the children took care of the presents they received.  Presents were broken or lost in no time.  It was as if the children had not been taught how to be careful with their things. This was reinforced by the fact that every new volunteer would bring them new gifts anyway.

It became clear to me after a while that the children were no longer able to attach themselves to volunteers. For example, right after the farewell ceremony when volunteers left, they would continue with everyday life as if nothing had happened. Even though I was with them for half a year, they didn’t seem to have much difficulty saying goodbye to me, even though I was having a really hard time.

It might be seen as a good thing that the attachment to changing volunteers no longer bothered them. But the fact that children of barely eight years of age are capable of closing themselves off emotionally is surely not healthy.

I went with the best intentions to Nepal, but not once did I consider the impact of my presence there.  I hope the children will have the best life possible, despite the attachment issues they’ll have to carry with them for the rest of their lives. For this reason, I would never advise anyone to do any kind of volunteer work directly with vulnerable children. I still want to help children, but this time with enough knowledge on the subject. Where and how is still a question, as long as it is in the best interests of the children.

Carmen’s story was originally published in Dutch as part of a current campaign against orphanage tourism – Stop Weeshuistoerisme – by Better Care Network Netherlands and partners. Carmen Paping is currently studying for a Masters in Childhood Studies & Children’s Rights in Potsdam, Germany.

This is the latest in our series of accounts by former volunteers who have worked in orphanages. Have you been a volunteer in an orphanage? Please contact us at info@stahili.org to share your story.